Pressing on

Posted on February 8th, 2008

I just reread my last post…written three months ago now.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our annual church business meeting have all come and gone and my ministry seems to have been largely unaffected by those events back in November. I consider myself very blessed to be in the community of faith in which I minister. The people proved to be very understanding. Large numbers of the congregation came up to me to encourage me by their own tales of having to face professional councils or exams multiple times to be certified for their careers. It was a relief.

We may have another go at the ordination thing come late spring. We’ll see…other things may get in the way of that. Initially, I piled up large stacks of books from my library to help me rework my ordination paper and retool my arguments. But they have mostly gathered dust. Orders of service, choir selections, Sunday school classes, and the many other details of ministry have come to the forefront, as it should be.

In the end, I am pretty sure that I just pushed too quickly. I brought up the idea for the ordination council, even though I have long believed that ordination is a function of the church, not the minister. Therefore, it should be the church that presses the issue, not me. And there are many other things that I pushed through that I probably would not do the same way, and would have regretted had the ordination gone through. God is gracious, even in the muck and mire of misery. Family, friends, and congregation members all hold me and my wife up in their prayers, and the effects are noticeable. I am not nearly as bitter as I thought I would be, and that is a blessing all to itself.

I hope to get back to writing more. Thanks for your prayers, whoever reads this.

Tags: Church & Theology, Life, Ministry
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Of books

Posted on October 10th, 2007

I love books. I’m a collector. Collector, mind you, not reader. Well, other than the first few pages – or a few chapters, if I’m really into something. I rarely ever finish them. But I do love crowding my bookshelves with them. There are just so many of them out there, and so much valuable information in them, to boot! What does it matter that said information never transfers from the ink on the page to a neuron in my brain…I have the information. It’s even somewhat readily available. It’s just not there instantly.

And for now I’m only reading thirteen books. Thirteen books that I have started and intend to finish. Some day. When my princess comes. Wait, that happened three years ago….

Anyone need some books?

Tags: Book Discussions, Life
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Home

Posted on October 7th, 2007

After a chaotic week, such as the one we have just had, it is so nice to be home. But I must admit that it is weird that home is different from the place where family is. We spent a lot of time with my Dad’s family, and we spent a short amount of time with my Mom’s family – so I saw both. At one point, while driving, I pondered how nice it would be to be within reasonable driving distance of family.

Then we boarded the plane this morning and arrived at our local airport. A couple from church picked us up, even parking in the lot ($7.00 for 45 minutes) and waiting for us inside the terminal. They offered to take us out to eat, which we gladly accepted, not having a clue what we had food-wise in the house. We had a good visit. And then just being in our house with the familiar surroundings – so many things we left in the middle during our rush out to the airport earlier this week.

It’s just so nice to have a home, and to be here at it. To be in the familiar. The comfortable. To return to normal after the extremely abnormal.

It is my prayer that you, too, have a place that is home for you.

Tags: Life
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Death on a Monday Night

Posted on October 5th, 2007

I didn’t find out until Tuesday, but my aunt died Monday night. I guess I said that in my last post.

It’s weird being a minister at a family funeral. It’s like no one knows what to do with me. I suppose I wouldn’t, either, if the roles were reversed. Cousins that joke with my sister and her boyfriend apologize and “straighten up” when I show up, or they remember what I do for a living. It’s almost humorous to watch.

And then there are the things that I just don’t know what to do with, and I think I don’t know what to do with them because I am a minister, I’ve been to seminary, I’ve studied Greek and Hebrew and pastoral counseling. Like my uncle who said that he saw two – no, he corrected himself, four – angels in my aunt’s hospital room. One was my deceased grandmother and one was possibly my grandfather. And the whole (immediate) family – including my father – tears up as he is telling this story around the breakfast table. My wife (who also went to seminary) and I sit and continue munching on our breakfast, not really sure what to make of it or how to respond. It felt weird to keep eating. I’m sure it would have been worse if we had stopped and tried to fully engage the story.

The pastor of the church my aunt attended is around my age – possibly a little older, possibly a little younger. He was at the wake last night. It was awkward watching him do his thing. He is clearly an MBTI extrovert (I am very much an MBTI introvert). The style of ministry and comforting is very different. Being with family made it all very different, as well. He prayed his prayer, and I spent the time analyzing his theology.

45 minutes into the three hour wake (we’d been there longer, with the family), my wife and I left. My parents told us we could. But this morning I wonder if it was the appropriate thing to do. My cousins were staying. My sister and her boyfriend were staying. But I, a minister by trade, left the family and friends that were streaming through to their grief. We went to Wal-mart, got some TV dinners to heat up in our motel room’s microwave, and watched two episodes of CSI and an episode of Without a Trace before we realized that it was well past time for the wake to be over and my family to be back. We thought they would call. They didn’t.

It’s just all weird. I don’t know my place. I don’t grieve for my aunt; I empathize with my father. I feel like I should be shedding more tears. I should be offering some kind of comfort to my family. I should be more than a fixture sitting on a sofa for less than an hour of the three hour ordeal last night.

Tags: Life
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What to pray?

Posted on October 1st, 2007

My Dad’s sister is in the hospital.

A week and a half ago, she drove hours to a larger metropolitan area with a good hospital system to be vetted for a possible liver transplant. Just this past week, she found out that she made the cut; her name is on the list for a new liver. She went back to work, tried to learn how to use a cell phone so she could be contacted when the organ became available.

Friday she couldn’t go to work.

Saturday she couldn’t move at all.

Sunday she went into the hospital. With a stomach infection. And kidney failure. The kidneys, not the liver. Quickly, unexpectedly, out of the blue. They called the family. She stabilized some. We’re still waiting.

Through it all, I’m wondering what I should pray. I feel desperately that I should know what to pray, that it is my responsibility to know what to pray. It’s not how – I understand that part. It’s the what. What do I come to God asking for? For her to live? She knows Christ and what He has done for her. Certainly the other side of death is better. Do I pray for comfort? For peace? For energy? For strength? For assurance? For health? For wisdom? For ……………..
In James, we’re told that the sick were to seek out leaders of congregations, righteous men, so that that they could pray over the sick and the sick could be made well. In Ecclesiastes, we’re told that to everything there is a season – to be born, and to die.

I come to the “closet” and silence confronts me. I have no doubt that it is full silence. That the Holy Spirit is working and groaning where words fail me.

What to pray? I don’t have the faintest clue. All I know is that I am to pray.

Tags: Church & Theology, Life
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